Monday, January 9, 2012

Coming clean

There are three reasons why I started blogging.

The top reason is to have an anonymous diary where I can expose my hidden desires...

Speaking of desires, one of my desires is to feel a turgid member in my all willing ass.


I'm in a 5 year (almost) 6 year exclusive/monogamous relationship and 99% of the time I'm the one who drills my partner. 

At first, I relish the experience but now I want to feel what he's feeling. 

I tried so many times to fulfill this desire but my partner's member is not willing and to be quite frank, for 67 months that we've been together I've only seen him hard every early morning and rarely during coitus. He's a great lover but I cannot replicate what he's doing to me because his member is not cooperative. This one of the reasons why I have so many insecurities. 

When we talked about this problem, he told me that it's just the way he is. I settled for this answer and I didn't probe because It's to embarrassing and I'm also afraid of his answer.  

Another desire of mine is to prolong my state of arousal. To be quite frank, I'm very easy to please in bed. just play with my nips, lick my back (not necessarily my buttocks but I also like that) and I'm ready to go. The problem lies with my ejaculation. This is very embarrassing, but to hell with it, nobody knows me here, it's 2 words, premature ejaculation. The longest time I tried not to burst my seed is 20 minutes tops and the fastest is at least 5 minutes. I tried to desensitize, meaning, masturbation until I'm ready to burst but before I go over the edge I stop and think about not sexy stuff - i.e. changing my grandma's diaper - to avoid spilling my seeds. This didn't work, because I don't have enough self discipline to stop playing with myself.

Thinking about gross stuff kinda helped but when I tried this with my partner, when I stopped humping him and start thinking about the grossest thing that I can think off, and just laid on top of him, I still went over the edge. On second thought, if I tried to pleasure him instead of just laying on top of him, maybe that will stop my ejaculation... but what's the use of playing with his phallus if it's not responsive with my ministrations? 

We both have problems and I don't know if our love for each other is enough to get over these sexual dilemma. 

I don't know until when can I stop myself from cheating.

These conundrums needs a separate post...

Anyway, I don't wanna dwell with my sexual frustrations, back to my original thought...

The second reason is to improve my English writing skills.

My vocabulary is good but my grammar is atrocious and it shows. I always cringe when I read the things that I write because I know that it's not as polish as what I want them to be. I love feedback but I learned from Mugen that it's a blogger faux pas to critique a post. I don't have the cash to enroll in an English class and reading/writing is the cheapest way to improve my English communication skills.

The last reason for creating this blog is to earn money by selling my gay themed books. My idea was to feature a book that I'm going to sell by writing a review. This fizzled out because it's very difficult to write a review. 

So there, I've written every thing and I have nothing to hide...

Thank heavens for anonymity!


  1. And thank heavens for sharing more about yourself Jetlander. That's a lot of revelations:

    Now as for your challenge.... :x

  2. good thing you're still monogamous. nasaan pala mga libro? =]

  3. Hi Mugen! Sharing is cathartic and about my predicament, I'll try my hardest to overcome my difficulties :)

    Hi LC! It's not difficult to be monogamous if you don't have a life outside of work and home.

  4. Don't let your insecurities pull you down.

    be confident

    assess yourself, your achievement and the things you can do that others cannot

    and last...

    know your worth!

    sabi nga ni katy perry

    you just got to ignite the light and let it shine :)

  5. Hi shen! Thank you for the encouragement!

  6. That's a lot of revelations! I can relate with a couple of the things in this blog entry.
    1. My partner's also not usually hard. Ack. And he told me also that that's just the way he is. But I don't really see this as a problem.I can be as horny as hell but when he isn't, I have no problem spanking my monkey on my own.
    2. Improving my writing. Not really a grammar thing for me, but it's mostly just making myself write more and use varied sentence structures.

    Well, good luck to your endeavors! I hope when you do get published you won't become too shy to tell us your identity or pen name. Haha. :)

  7. Oh wow, Jetlander, I am impressed you have remained faithful to your partner. I can imagine how difficult ... it can be. Sexual problems in a relationship are one of the more common reasons for unhappiness, and I hope that you both will find a way to talk and maybe work things out.

    And if you don't ... well, I'm sure you'll tell us all about it.


  8. ei thanks for visiting my blog.. or following me though i rarely blog na..

    i don't know if i'm privy to butt in.. i understand many societies in the world are polygamous. we also have to accept that. i believe being monogamous is an act of loving consciously.

    we put our partner first because in the beginning we believe this will make us happy..and of course stuff are not permanent, we all change. the truth, no matter how pure yesterday, one day will surprise it is no longer workable with the things we learned about ourselves. kami two years din, we rarely sex like months na din, but i wanna be kissed a lot and hugged by him a lot.

    anyway the best filter you can give yourself is death and it will give you the best and finest answer in the art of living... (i'm sorta "steve-jobs-ing" here.).. you don't rationalize if it's the right thing or the wrong thing to do or it's stupid.. you just do it because it must be done and will complete you. Tip: always use your emotion to your advantage.

    and here is the catch.. what if you don't die and you live another day?

    Quoting seth godin, "..are you excited to tell them the answer..I hope so.. if not you're wasting away.."

    anyway andami ko na sinabi.. peace... about writing. go for your dreams! on second thought, believe you deserve it!