Saturday, April 30, 2016

Here I am



Dear Moi,

A lot of things happened since my last post.

My dad died and I was not in his deathbed which was 7,292 miles away from where I am. I went there to pay my respects. I choked up during my eulogy but until now I never cried a single drop of tear. 

When I went back to my workplace, I was promoted from Middle manager to a heartbeat closer to Top Management. 

I traveled East Asia, Southeast Asia and North America. 

Lessen my volunteer work at Love Yourself as counselor but the things I learned is still being practiced by the hospital I'm affiliated with.

I am now more Catholic - hears mass, attend basic ecclesial community, organize lenten/advent recollection. spearheaded the employee retreat and attend continuing spiritual formation. Despite all of this,

This year, I finally received the Top award given to employees after 5 years of being nominated.

I'm still gay, happy and more accepting of who I am.

Love life?

I ended an 8 year monogamous relationship 2 years ago.

I'm still single and actively looking for the one with the help of tinder hahahaha

eskay

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What caused the fear of being alone may not be the aloneness itself, but the judging eyes of people. You fear other people would think of you as being awkward and friendless... UNDESIRABLE.
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Sunday, May 25, 2014

Kdrama special: Life is Beautiful


I just finished watching this 2010 Korean Family drama called "Life is Beautiful".

This is not a review about this wonderfully crafted drama but a repository of my emotions and mumbles caused by watching this drama.

My heartstrings were pulled non stop during the entire 63 episodes (more than an hour per episode). I laughed, cried and reminisce about my life.

I wished that my parents watched this Korean drama so that they can understand me more.

Watching Tae Sub's life unfold is like re-living what I went through growing up. Just thinking about it makes my throat constrict and cry. I can't put into words how I feel. All I can think about is the loneliness, the fear that I felt growing up. The hole that I can't seem to fill up in my soul. The many times that I think about suicide as a solution to this loneliness and fear. It got better but there are times that these feeling haunt my consciousness.
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On lighter note, this is one of the reasons why I'm addicted to Koreans ;)





Saturday, October 19, 2013

Thursday, July 4, 2013

4th of July Quickie



Meet Steve Grand. He writes: “time to be brave. the world does not see change until it sees honesty. I am taking a risk here in many ways, but really there is no choice but to be brave. To not tell this story is to let my soul die. It is all I believe in. It is all I hold dear. We have all longed for someone we can never have… we all have felt that ache for our ‎#allamericanboy
first original song and music video. I gave everything for this. If my story makes even a couple people feel less alone in their aching, all the blood, sweat, tears, and soul I put into this project makes it worth it. Thanks for watching.”
_________
I'm not American but I can be your boy anytime :) Yup I'm turning into a potato queen ;)

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Brave

Last weekend we traveled north for a little R & R.



There are 25 of us and for room assignments we were grouped into four per room. I was hoping to be grouped with my crush and the universe granted my wish with a bonus, we'll share a double bed.

It was a fun Saturday - him frolicking in the pool and playing games, me slyly ogling his delectable lean physique and bubble butt.

Then, evening came, the time I've been waiting for, me and him, sleeping in the same bed.

As we lie down in bed,  he suddenly blurted he's not wearing any undies - DAMN! My semi flaccid organ immediately became turgid with desire, every nerve ending of my body is awakened.

The anticipation was killing me. 

When I heard the snores from the other bed,  all my senses were heightened - this is the moment I've been longing since January 2012 (remember this). 

My crush is less than a feet away from my grasp and yet I can't move. 

Self doubt and fear of rejection is more powerful than my libido 

Nothing came into fruition that night. 

I really like this guy but I'm too much of a coward to do the first move. 

Another missed opportunity for me.
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I wish I can be like them...


                                                             You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
And they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Innocence, your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you


Thursday, February 14, 2013

Burst!


The dance moves are kinda awkward and dubbing is not in sync but who cares!

He's young, hot and drool worthy. 

Watching this video from Sebastian Castro made my eye and my other head pop...

Bubble

There’s a fine, fine line,
In the horny mind
I crossed mine
In the locker room,

Next thing I knew,
Something just grew
In the line of view
Of you’ll never ever guess WHO

The very best friend I always knew
Is starin
At the jock strap with the bursting bulge
Im not wearin
And maybe that’s why
Hes walking over,


Whispering those words
I cant get Over

PRE CHORUS

I like your Bubble.
Even the Stubble
Happy trailing down the crack of those two muscles

Tighter the Better
And Yours has Never
Felt the pain, That gives,
Me so, Much Pleasure

CHORUS

Pop that pop (POP!)
Stick your stick into it
Can you bu-bble pop (POP!)
Grab both cheeks and do it

This is it boy
Christian Grey my boy toy
Pop that Pop (POP)
This is how we do it
Bubble Pop!
POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP
POP POP POP POP POP POP POP

Bubble Pop!
POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP
POP POP POP POP POP POP POP

(Deep Breath)
What did you do
Up my choo-choo
I cant even walk straight as I used to

Nothing much, just a touch, innocent enough,
Im still straight an you are too.
mhmmm m-okay
l’ll let it go. Im still a bro. It didnt mean
Anything, so who has to know.

I am Straight St-ra-aight!
I just pulled a muscle lifting weights.
Its straight. Man am I straight!
As always I got a hot date.

Doc! Its hurts so bad I cant even sit down.
I dont want to tell ya how it all went down.
How do I know you wont tell anyone around.
We both know it’s a small ass town.

Breathe boy no need to be cynical
All you need now is my physical.
Drop the undies and show me the pencil/popsicle
Everthing here on out is confidential

PRECHORUS

CHORUS

BRIDGE

No please dont
Hell if I wont
Why are you kneeling?
To give you Uh Oh feelings.
Why do you and everyone I know want my Santa Claus?

Because…

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Bottom

This music video is so titillatingly hilarious ;)


My rosebud is clenching while watching this hahahaha! alam na!

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TMI!