Thursday, September 29, 2011

Romantic Liaisons

A blogger friend (Hi Zai!) asked me about my previous relationships and that got me thinking about my lamentable love life (char!).

A song by Eric Benet sums up my love story 

The first time I fell in love was long ago. 
I didn't know how to give my love at all.

My first gay romance was memorable.

We've been acquaintances/classmates for a year, friends for 2 years and lovers for a month.

The relationship didn't work out because of me -I didn't know how to give my love...

but the thing that I remembered the most is our break up.

He used an unforgettable, plagiarized break up line (hmmm lingering bitterness?)

"I'm sorry I can't Don't hate me..."

Yup he used that line and to make things more memorable, I received this break up notice by text message.

It was a gamut of emotions, I was like Carrie ...

Anyway, let's go back to my song...

The next time I settled for what felt so close. 
But without romance, you're never gonna fall.

My next relationship was due to hormones.

He's gorgeous, half Norwegian - tall, lean and young, just like him

The coitus (or copulation) experience is unmatched, it was the first time that my phallus erupted without touching.

After 3 fortnights of dating, my raging hormones subsided and I called it quits.

Sex is good and he's definitely an arm candy

but I need romance and love.

Hopefully the next time I fall in love is the last...

One of my favorite romantic songs... 
It's late and I can't sleep, I've been planning to post an article about my Pedring experience but I can't find the appropriate picture. Maybe next time...

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


I'm moved by this guy's coming out story. I've been following his journey in youtube.

Coming out is a never ending process. In this aspect the hets are lucky, they don't need to come out...

When I'm still in grade school, I know I'm different and I'm gay but back then bakla is synonymous to being a loud, in your face effeminate who works in parlors and pays for sex. I don't want to be like them. When kids my age started noticing and teasing me about my effeminacy, I changed, I tried my best to act more manly by modulating my voice, changing the way I walk and I started courting girls. The teasing stopped but my self hatred started. I became a recluse. I rarely go out with my classmates and my only comfort is my room and my computer. I don't wanna mingle with people because I don't want them to discover that i'm different, a freak.

I became a loner from high school to college. I did my best to avoid associating with gay men and women. I avoided gay people like a plague and I used girlfriends as beards.

My denial stopped when I'm in my 4th year of college. It's been a year since my "ex gf" broke up with me and my friends are starting to notice my disinterest in females. Back then I feel that I don't have a choice but to find a naive girl that I can pose as my girlfriend. I courted a girl named Chelle and after a grueling courtship, we became an item. As our relationship progress my respect for her deepened and my conscience can no longer bear my despicable deception. I told Michelle my deepest darkest secret, I told her I'm gay. Michelle did not hate me after the revelation but I avoided her because of my shameful behavior. Michelle is the epitome of grace and forgiveness, she reached out for me even though I hurt her so bad. Gradually we build a strong bond of friendship. She's still in denial about my sexuality. Whenever I told her about my man crushes or my relationships, she just smiles and tells me that she's praying for my enlightenment.

Family Dynamics - I came out first to my sister. We talked about my sexual exploits in our neighborhood. We became closer after that. When I asked her advice on how to come out to my parents. She told me to never come out to my parents because it'll just bring them heartache. I did not heed her advice, I told my mom about my sexuality and she cried and made me swear to never tell my dad about my sexuality. I never told my dad about my sexual orientation but I know that he suspects. My mom still wants me to marry a nice girl. I just smile whenever she tries to match me with female acquaintances or when she asks me when will I give her grandchildren.

In my workplace, my colleagues and subordinates know my sexual orientation. I told them from the very beginning that I'm gay. My colleagues advice me to be less upfront with my sexuality because we're in a religious institution. I'm living a double life, outside our section, I have a (fictional) girlfriend and we're planning to get married soon while in my section I'm the dependable guy who is gay.

I love Adele =>

Friday, September 16, 2011

All that Jazz!

One of my deep and darkest desire is a  Ménage à trois 

May it be MMF or MMM, as long as I'm in the middle it doesn't matter.

But I doubt if this will happen in my lifetime... 

I'm a prude in real life. 

j'adore jazz, yun lang!

Monday, September 12, 2011


I never get tired of hearing this song.

May it be played by an orchestra or a simple guitar, it doesn't matter.

The haunting melody arouses my innermost desires.

The desire to be a child again. To be free and without care.

The desire to love and be loved in return.

"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it." 

the beauty, the elan... parang ako lang 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Tsunami Walk!

Ang post na ito ay magpapatunay na ako ay isang  tunay na beki.

Ang ate kabugera ang entrada at pag rumampa gumigiling!

Noong una di ko siya type...

pero ng giniling niya ang kanyang mga balakang....

Siyet! tinigasan ako!

AWAAARD! ang tsunami walk.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Can't Wait for Hunger Games!

I'm a citizen of Panem from District 4. We are from a wealthy district that supplies fish for the capitol. 

Our well known victor is Finnick Odair and his weapon of choice is a trident...

He was described by Katniss as being extremely handsome. Tall, muscular, and athletic, with golden skin, bronze-colored hair, and "incredible" sea green eyes.

In my mind and imagination he looks like Finnick...

Obvious ba na addict sa hunger games?

Thursday, September 1, 2011

She's Back!

Ms. Kelly Clarkson is back with a new single.

Her songs were introduced to me by my first man love via a mix cd.

H is my college classmate, and back then we're dating girls =>. We both have different set of barkada at di ko siya ka ututang dila. High profile kasi siya, daming nagkakacrush at na link pa sa professor namin. Samantalang ako, di masyadong sociable, umiikot lang ang mundo ko sa school, kay girlfriend at sa barkada.

The first time na nag-usap kami na walang malisya ay during our "make up days" (incurred due to demerits and absences during our regular internship rotation) sa isang hospital. We talked about breaking up with our respective girlfriends, our board exam and our future plans.

Naging kabalitaan ko siya during our review for our boards. Nag enroll kasi siya sa review center at ako naman ay nagself review. Sa awa ng Diyos pareho naman kaming pumasa.

Nawalan kami ng communication after passing the boards. Ako ay umuwi sa probinsya para doon magpractice samantalang siya ay naiwan dito sa metro.

Fastforward tayo ng 2 years, nabalitaan ni H sa ex ko na dito na ulit ako sa Metro naka base.

We started communicating and going out hanggang sa  nahantong sa pagmamahalan ...

... pagiibigan na may hangganan.

It was the best and the worst time of my life.

Kelly's new song reminded me of him...