Dear Moi,
It was a couple of days ago that my team, including my ex, went out of town for a work commitment. It wasn't a surprise when we ended up as roommates since we're on the same team. Given our history—and of course, our shared libido—it wasn’t long before something happened, and not just once.
After we opened up about our financial struggles, he asked if I was game for a troika, and my curiosity got the best of me. I agreed. He invited a guy he'd had a tryst with before. This guy was small, but he had a surprisingly large and spastic dick. We used poppers and got into it, so much so that my jaw ached. There was no penetration, as we didn't have any condoms. I was tempted to sit on his dick, but I still have some reservations about bottoming—that’s a story for another time.
On our last night, my ex invited several other people to join us for my first orgy at forty-something. At first, I was okay, but I was so drunk that I had trouble staying hard. I was penetrated by a hunk, and I really enjoyed it, but because of my own unresolved self-hatred, I pretended I didn't.
I was lucky that the guys were all very understanding. We started at 11 p.m. and didn't end until after 6 a.m. Overall, it was a pretty jarring experience. I was the oldest one there, and at times I felt left out—maybe I was just imagining things, or maybe I'm still not over my ex. I felt a pang of sadness watching him with other guys, yet I also loved seeing him ride another man and hearing him moan. It was strange—I had no trouble getting hard when I was fucking him, but as soon as it was time for the other bottom, my dick went soft.
Seeing my ex and the other guys cuddling and being intimate made my heart ache a little, but I know our time is over.
One of the things that really made me reflect was when my ex's current boyfriend called him while two other guys and I were in the room, getting ready for the orgy. It made me sad to think back and realize that he rarely, if ever, hid in a blanket to talk to me during our relationship. It was a wake-up call that maybe his nature is to have multiple partners.
My ex also talked about his experiences in Thailand, where he was bottomed by locals and topped sometimes. I want him to top me, but I know it's not really his nature, and my own hang-ups about bottoming are still unresolved.
Will I participate in another multiple-partner encounter? Maybe. I don't know yet.
