My dad died and I was not in his deathbed which was 7,292 miles away from where I am. I went there to pay my respects. I choked up during my eulogy but until now I never cried a single drop of tear.
When I went back to my workplace, I was promoted from Middle manager to a heartbeat closer to Top Management.
I traveled East Asia, Southeast Asia and North America.
Lessen my volunteer work at Love Yourself as counselor but the things I learned is still being practiced by the hospital I'm affiliated with.
I am now more Catholic - hears mass, attend basic ecclesial community, organize lenten/advent recollection. spearheaded the employee retreat and attend continuing spiritual formation. Despite all of this,
This year, I finally received the Top award given to employees after 5 years of being nominated.
I'm still gay, happy and more accepting of who I am.
Love life?
I ended an 8 year monogamous relationship 2 years ago.
I'm still single and actively looking for the one with the help of tinder hahahaha
eskay
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What caused the fear of being alone may not be the aloneness itself, but the judging eyes of people. You fear other people would think of you as being awkward and friendless... UNDESIRABLE.
I just finished watching this 2010 Korean Family drama called "Life is Beautiful".
This is not a review about this wonderfully crafted drama but a repository of my emotions and mumbles caused by watching this drama.
My heartstrings were pulled non stop during the entire 63 episodes (more than an hour per episode). I laughed, cried and reminisce about my life.
I wished that my parents watched this Korean drama so that they can understand me more.
Watching Tae Sub's life unfold is like re-living what I went through growing up. Just thinking about it makes my throat constrict and cry. I can't put into words how I feel. All I can think about is the loneliness, the fear that I felt growing up. The hole that I can't seem to fill up in my soul. The many times that I think about suicide as a solution to this loneliness and fear. It got better but there are times that these feeling haunt my consciousness.
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On lighter note, this is one of the reasons why I'm addicted to Koreans ;)
Meet Steve Grand. He writes: “time to be brave. the world does not see change until it sees honesty. I am taking a risk here in many ways, but really there is no choice but to be brave. To not tell this story is to let my soul die. It is all I believe in. It is all I hold dear. We have all longed for someone we can never have… we all have felt that ache for our #allamericanboy
first original song and music video. I gave everything for this. If my story makes even a couple people feel less alone in their aching, all the blood, sweat, tears, and soul I put into this project makes it worth it. Thanks for watching.”
_________
I'm not American but I can be your boy anytime :) Yup I'm turning into a potato queen ;)
Last weekend we traveled north for a little R & R.
There are 25 of us and for room assignments we were grouped into four per room. I was hoping to be grouped with my crush and the universe granted my wish with a bonus, we'll share a double bed.
It was a fun Saturday - him frolicking in the pool and playing games, me slyly ogling his delectable lean physique and bubble butt.
Then, evening came, the time I've been waiting for, me and him, sleeping in the same bed.
As we lie down in bed, he suddenly blurted he's not wearing any undies - DAMN! My semi flaccid organ immediately became turgid with desire, every nerve ending of my body is awakened.
The anticipation was killing me.
When I heard the snores from the other bed, all my senses were heightened - this is the moment I've been longing since January 2012 (remember this).
My crush is less than a feet away from my grasp and yet I can't move.
Self doubt and fear of rejection is more powerful than my libido
Nothing came into fruition that night.
I really like this guy but I'm too much of a coward to do the first move.
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
And they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
Innocence, your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
The dance moves are kinda awkward and dubbing is not in sync but who cares!
He's young, hot and drool worthy.
Watching this video from Sebastian Castro made my eye and my other head pop...
Bubble
There’s a fine, fine line, In the horny mind I crossed mine In the locker room,
Next thing I knew, Something just grew In the line of view Of you’ll never ever guess WHO
The very best friend I always knew Is starin At the jock strap with the bursting bulge Im not wearin And maybe that’s why Hes walking over,
Whispering those words I cant get Over
PRE CHORUS
I like your Bubble. Even the Stubble Happy trailing down the crack of those two muscles
Tighter the Better And Yours has Never Felt the pain, That gives, Me so, Much Pleasure
CHORUS
Pop that pop (POP!) Stick your stick into it Can you bu-bble pop (POP!) Grab both cheeks and do it
This is it boy Christian Grey my boy toy Pop that Pop (POP) This is how we do it Bubble Pop! POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP
Bubble Pop! POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP
(Deep Breath) What did you do Up my choo-choo I cant even walk straight as I used to
Nothing much, just a touch, innocent enough, Im still straight an you are too. mhmmm m-okay l’ll let it go. Im still a bro. It didnt mean Anything, so who has to know.
I am Straight St-ra-aight! I just pulled a muscle lifting weights. Its straight. Man am I straight! As always I got a hot date.
Doc! Its hurts so bad I cant even sit down. I dont want to tell ya how it all went down. How do I know you wont tell anyone around. We both know it’s a small ass town.
Breathe boy no need to be cynical All you need now is my physical. Drop the undies and show me the pencil/popsicle Everthing here on out is confidential
PRECHORUS
CHORUS
BRIDGE
No please dont Hell if I wont Why are you kneeling? To give you Uh Oh feelings. Why do you and everyone I know want my Santa Claus?
