Meet Steve Grand. He writes: “time to be brave. the world does not see change until it sees honesty. I am taking a risk here in many ways, but really there is no choice but to be brave. To not tell this story is to let my soul die. It is all I believe in. It is all I hold dear. We have all longed for someone we can never have… we all have felt that ache for our #allamericanboy
first original song and music video. I gave everything for this. If my story makes even a couple people feel less alone in their aching, all the blood, sweat, tears, and soul I put into this project makes it worth it. Thanks for watching.”
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I'm not American but I can be your boy anytime :) Yup I'm turning into a potato queen ;)
One of the reasons why I donate blood quarterly is the free laboratory exam for infectious diseases. I'm a cheapskate, sue me :)
Last March, I learned that there's a clinic in Manila that gives free testing for people like us. Here's my results...
I went there alone, but I didn't feel scared or anxious. The staffs are friendly and the counselor is not your typical counselor, I felt at home. Talking to the counselor about my sexual history is quite liberating and I learned a lot about myself and HIV/AIDS.
The waiting time is approximately 2 hours because they use both the Rapid and Particle Agglutination HIV tests.Waiting for the result is the most excruciating part of the ordeal but it's worth it because I want to know my status, may it be positive or negative.
Just click this link for more info about RITM Satellite Clinic in Malate.
Know your status, it's time to get tested!
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This song helped me when I took the test and yes I'm enamored with Smash :)
Oh la la! Oh la la! Hot Couture! Hot Couture! Hot Couture! Hot coutore serving hot couture! Oh la la!
Put the base in my face Now I'm ready for the beat Pink lips hips tits Honey, tuck away the heat Lashes on, Fouboutins And I just blew out my hair Perfume Trashed room What 2 Wear?
Let the streets be my runway tonight In the fashion show we call life Got this fire burn-burnin inside And I'm serving! I'm serving
Hot Couture (Im wearing, wearing) Hot Couture (Supermodel) Hot Couture (Fierce) Hot Couture serving hot couture Oh la la! Hot Couture (I'm killin', killin') Hot Couture (Manila) Hot Couture (WERRK!) Hot Couture serving hot couture Oh la la!
Glamour queen, disco scene Pumpin' in designer shoes sequins, safety pins Yeah Manila's got it, boots Gaultier target Lookin sick'ning in this dress Ching chong shut it down Ovahness
Let the streets be my runway tonight In the fashion show we call life Got this fire burn-burnin inside And I'm serving! I'm serving...
Hot Couture (Im wearing, wearing) Hot Couture (Supermodel) Hot Couture (Fierce) Hot Couture serving hot couture Oh la la! Hot Couture (I'm killin', killin') Hot Couture (Manila) Hot Couture (WERRK!) Hot Couture serving hot couture Oh la la!
Hot Couture (Im wearing, wearing) Hot Couture (Supermodel) Hot Couture (Fierce) Hot Couture serving hot couture Oh la la! Hot Couture (I'm killin', killin') Hot Couture (Manila) Hot Couture (WERRK!) Hot Couture serving hot couture Oh la la!
We first met a couple of months ago, during a workshop somewhere in Manila. The workshop constitute of 18 individuals from different walks of life. The common denominator is, we are all gay and we want to help.
At first, I was not that captivated with him but last weekend was a revelation.
Please note that my relationship status is a common knowledge in our group and I behaved demurely during the workshop and the whole weekend. 'di ako malandi, nasa loob lang ang kulo ;)
I was late for our workshop. He was in the opposite side of our circle and sitting with the group that is secretly enamored with him. At first I was disappointed because I'm not seated with their group, but the universe was conspiring with me because we were randomly partnered for the workshop and he was also my "dorm mate" for the weekend.
J is about 5'7 and weights approximately 125 to 130 lb, fair skinned with no visible pock marks. Hairstyle is clean cut (he claimed that he cut his hair with the help of his mom). He's physique is like a runner - lean and wiry (redundant!).
The feature that made me awestruck is his pert glutes. I was thunderstruck when I saw his gray clad buttocks after our shower together (Yup I need to write that down, twas a surreal experience - we're talking about the characteristics of men that we want to date while lathering our sinewy bodies - my first time). I was not expecting a glorious sight because he's skinny, but heavens! those gluteals are so gloriously shaped. Those muscular globes conjures volumes of lusty thoughts. Words is not enough to describe his magnificent ass. It's almost like this...
image from google
but lovelier and perkier ;)
J is a perfect specimen of a Chinese twink, lean, cute and nerdy ( I admire guys with spectacles!) , a deadly combination.
This video gave new meaning to my favorite Adele song, Set fire to the rain. I felt my piloerector muscle stiffen when I viewed the video above, it reminded me of the Piolo - KC - Macmac controversy.
I'm moved by this guy's coming out story. I've been following his journey in youtube.
Coming out is a never ending process. In this aspect the hets are lucky, they don't need to come out...
When I'm still in grade school, I know I'm different and I'm gay but back then bakla is synonymous to being a loud, in your face effeminate who works in parlors and pays for sex. I don't want to be like them. When kids my age started noticing and teasing me about my effeminacy, I changed, I tried my best to act more manly by modulating my voice, changing the way I walk and I started courting girls. The teasing stopped but my self hatred started. I became a recluse. I rarely go out with my classmates and my only comfort is my room and my computer. I don't wanna mingle with people because I don't want them to discover that i'm different, a freak.
I became a loner from high school to college. I did my best to avoid associating with gay men and women. I avoided gay people like a plague and I used girlfriends as beards.
My denial stopped when I'm in my 4th year of college. It's been a year since my "ex gf" broke up with me and my friends are starting to notice my disinterest in females. Back then I feel that I don't have a choice but to find a naive girl that I can pose as my girlfriend. I courted a girl named Chelle and after a grueling courtship, we became an item. As our relationship progress my respect for her deepened and my conscience can no longer bear my despicable deception. I told Michelle my deepest darkest secret, I told her I'm gay. Michelle did not hate me after the revelation but I avoided her because of my shameful behavior. Michelle is the epitome of grace and forgiveness, she reached out for me even though I hurt her so bad. Gradually we build a strong bond of friendship. She's still in denial about my sexuality. Whenever I told her about my man crushes or my relationships, she just smiles and tells me that she's praying for my enlightenment.
Family Dynamics - I came out first to my sister. We talked about my sexual exploits in our neighborhood. We became closer after that. When I asked her advice on how to come out to my parents. She told me to never come out to my parents because it'll just bring them heartache. I did not heed her advice, I told my mom about my sexuality and she cried and made me swear to never tell my dad about my sexuality. I never told my dad about my sexual orientation but I know that he suspects. My mom still wants me to marry a nice girl. I just smile whenever she tries to match me with female acquaintances or when she asks me when will I give her grandchildren.
In my workplace, my colleagues and subordinates know my sexual orientation. I told them from the very beginning that I'm gay. My colleagues advice me to be less upfront with my sexuality because we're in a religious institution. I'm living a double life, outside our section, I have a (fictional) girlfriend and we're planning to get married soon while in my section I'm the dependable guy who is gay.
